Obama/McCain 1: My Observations

*NOTE*:  This is my last post at this black life.  I’ve closed this blog.  Please find me and all of this gr8 content at my new blog: www.kdizo.wordpress.com

 

Issues:  Barack excelled on the economy, and expectations/vision for the future.  He held his own on foreign relations.  I’d have to say Barack won on the issues.

Suit:  I give the edge to Barack.  His suit was twice as shiny as McCain’s.

Sarcasm/Contemptuousness:  McCain gets the edge here – big time.

Skin Tone: Obama came out lookin all golden-bronze and shit.  McCain was his usual pastey white self.  Gotta give it to Obama.

Hair:  Again, Barack was strong in this category.  By the way his hair layed I could tell that he was rockin’ a doo-rag back stage.  Looked like he coulda used a fresh line, but other than that he looked good.  McCain’s hair was…  Barack wins.

Eye Blinks:  Both candidates blinked alot.  But there was somethin a little too twitchy and crack-headish about the way McCain blinked.  Obama blinked cooler/slower – like a pimp-wink-blink.  Slight edge to Barack here.

Pronunciation of Foreign Words/Names/Countries:  This is a key indicator of foreign policy experience, so I’m a bit surprised that McCain had such a hard time with Ahmadinejad and Perestroika.  Obama gets the nod here.

Rattled Off the Most Foreign Words/Names/Countries:  It’s a draw.  But again, considering McCain’s foreign policy experience, I was sure he’d blow away Obama here.  He didn’t.  So, a tie in this category is actually a win for Obama.  The “O” gets another one.

Voice:  McCain does something weird with his “S’s”.  The shit is annoying.  Barack wins on voice.

Lips:  McCain has no lips.  Barack’s lips look all extra-purple like he be smokin’ hella weed.  This is a toss up.

Capacity to Mis-Characterize: McSame McCain.

Capacity for Truth and Accuracy:  This one goes to Barack “The Truf(Truth)” Obama.

Eye Contact with the Opponent:  I don’t think Grandpa Simpson looked at Barack once during the entire debate.   That’s a tell-tell sign of weakness.  McCain lost his street-cred with that punk move.  Another one for Barack.

Those are my unbiased/objective professional observations.  You can decide for yourself who won Obama/McCain 1.

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Larry King/Chris Rock Interview (link)…

Here’s an excerpt from last night’s Larry King/Chris Rock interview on CNN:

KING: You must be … proud that at this stage in our history a black man is running for president on a major ticket.

ROCK: Um, you know what? I’m proud Barack Obama’s running for president. You know? If it was Flavor Flav, would I be proud? No. I don’t support Barack Obama because he’s black.

See the entire story (here)

NOTE:  THIS BLOG IS NOW CLOSED.  PLEASE FIND ME AND ALL OF THIS SAME CONTENT AND MORE AT MY NEW BLOG: www.kdizo.wordpress.com

am i the only one…

Am I the only one that will go to the store on an emergency toilet paper run and grab a few absolutely unecessary odds and ends because, in my mind, I’ve come to believe that If I stand in the checkout line with nothing but toilet paper, people near and around me will undoubtedly be thinking to themselves, “Ewwww, the only reason this dude is here is because he has to shit real bad…”  I couldn’t bear the shame of it…

Is it just me?

NOTE: THIS BLOG IS NOW CLOSED.  IF YOU LIKE THIS, PLEASE FIND ME AT MY NEW BLOG: www.kdizo.wordpress.com

shabby wit: baby wipes altered my sex life…

 

 

Let me Romare Bearden (paint) the picture for you.

Me and my girl.  My crib.  Mid-day.  Feelin sexy.  Crunched for time.  In the mood. Impromptu love…

So we launch into a savage and frenzied game of touch and touch.  Hot and bothered.  We humid.  Fubus, Lugz, Joe Boxers, Forever 21’s are torn asunder and hurled about.  Moist flesh.  Pheromones.  The air is ablaze.  2 minutes and 20 seconds have elapsed.  Time for the jump off.  And then…  I push PAUSE.  Bring it all to a screeching halt.  Why?  Man, it just so happens that on this very day – at this particular moment in time – I have funky-nuts and/or a lil’ booty-juice.  Yep. I needed to hop my tart ass into the shower.  Don’t trip fellas.  You know it happens every now and then.  Even to the most fastidious of us.  And if you’ve ever been in this unfortunate situation, you know that this stop-in-action is an immediate mood kill.  It’s an error.  A fumble.  A tricked lay-up.    We’ll, I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t always have to go down like this…

My name is Kdizo.  You can call me dizo.  Baby wipes changed my sex life.  For the better.  In those ever so crucial categories of quickies/nooners,  baby wipes uped my stats.  They helped me to become more consistent.  Fewer tricked lay-ups.  I bet they can do the same for you.  Now I understand, that given the above scenario, some of you more uncivilized studs might try to maintain forward progress and push through.  Hey, I’m not here to judge.  I’m no expert.  Do what you gotta do to be you.  But man, let me tell you, it is hard to recover after you’ve left a bad taste in someones mouth.  So I humbly suggest that you play it safe.  Get some baby wipes.  And the next time you and yo shawty line up for a quickie, and you feelin a little tart.  Don’t fret.  Calmly run into the bathroom.  Go up under the sink.  Pull out 4-5 baby wipes and – wipe.  Get on the sides and up under the nuts-sack.  Don’t forget the taint and yo funky ass. After that, take the remaining clean wipe and dust off the shaft.  It’s that simple.  30-45 secs and you’re good to go.

Yours Truly;

Coach K(dizo).

Shabby Wit #2: Urinals…the long & short of it

 

Fellas!  You know how in public restrooms there is always one urinal that hangs lower than the others?  Ever wonder why that is?  Well, contrary to what you might think, its not for junior.  Nope.  Its actually for dudes with really long penises.  I’m sure most of you had no idea.

“up”

Kd

Random Joints #1: kidz and fast-food joints

My 1st post comes in the form of a tempered rant.  To all my parents out there with shorties under the age of 7: When you go to a Potbelly’s or Subway (or any fast-food joint), please don’t let your child/toddler tell the “sandwich artist” what ingredients/condiments to put on the sandwich. You know damn well shorty can’t handle that pressure yet.  More oft than not, kids in this situation just freeze up, or at best, they hold up the line while goin’ back and forth with moms/pops about what’s what on the condiment/ingredient menu.  That shit ain’t cute.  Look, I’ve got shorties.  I know what parents are trying to do here, but this is not the best occasion to teach your child how to be a big-boy or big-girl.  Do that on your own damn time.  Not in line at a FAST-food joint.

Later;

K